Creep

Now Playing:  song of same title by Korn from MTV Unplugged

It was a cheerful morning. I was walking along the corridors,  wearing my black Bob Dylan shirt, with my faithful sling bag that never failed to testify that I’m a dork, my mp4, my worn up jeans and sneakers.  It was quite obvious that everyone had already forgotten the final exams last week for there seems to be an easy breathing in everyone’s chest.  When you look at the century old trees, the sky, the buildings, everything was smiling.  Except me.  I reached out for my phone inside my pocket.  Normally I dont really care about my messages but I’m waiting for a special person to ask me if I could go to watch Dragonball this weekend.  The full attention that I’m paying to my phone was reduced to nothing when I felt a breathing right next to my face.

when you’re here before couldnt look you in the eye..

You’re just like an angel, your skin makes me cry..

Its as if time froze.  We stood there staring at each other and exchanging breaths in a super slowmo.  He was wearing their all white uniform, including the white shoes.  He looks so clean, unstained.
“Vote for me will you?” He broke that surreal moment.
He then flashed a smile as pure as his uniform.  By that time I could feel myself melting.

You float like a feather in a beautiful world..

You’re so fucking special, I wish I was special. .

“Sure John.” That’s all I could answer.  I could’nt force myself to think of other things except that his eyes are causing my knees to tremble.  I’m holding my lips, I might say something that I will eventually want to take back.

But I’m a creep, I’m a wierdo.  What the hell am I doing here?  I dont belong here..

He’s so handsome it makes me bleed. I summoned every conciousness that may be left inside me to pick out a word to say and just make the most out of that opportunity.

I dont care if it hurts.  I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul..

I wanna have control..

And then he looked as if he’s going to say something but I see awkwardness written in his face.

He leaned towards my left shoulder.  I should’ve worn a sweeter perfume that will make him bite my neck.  I removed my earphones so I could hear him clear.
“Your fly is open”He didnt look at me.
How’d I wish I could just cast a spell to erase his memory of that moment and just evaporate from that place.  I felt chills creeping into my body and my soul.

I want you to notice when I’m not around. .
You’re so very special, I wish I was special..

I just turned around abruptly, embarassed, without a word.  I reached my zipper and closed it.  Even though Im turning my back on him I could imagine him laughing at how silly I am.  I cant pretend it did not happen and I couldnt wear that pants ever again even though its my favorite.

But I’m a creep, I’m a wierdo.  What the hell am I doing here.  I dont belong here.

The cutest guy in the university, the guy I’ve been crushing on saw the zipper of my pants open.   But there was a second that I thought it was kinda funny still I’m extremely embarassed.

She’s running out again.  She’s running out again. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run.

Run.  That is all I want to do, runaway from what had just happened.

I look at my watch, I have a meeting five minutes from now but I’m not in the mood to attend, my day is already ruined.  I walked towards the exit gate.  But there he is again with his friends.  I took my phone and pretended I’m texting, bowed my head and vowed not to make a stupid thing in front of him again.

Mar 15, 2009

Sweet Child Of Mine

Now Playing:  Sweet Child of Mine by Guns n Roses
Noisy students flocked at McDonalds for early dinner with friends some just want to extend the day bonding with classmates over a tray of fries and cup of sundae.  You’d be entertained if you look around and wonder what people might be conversing about.  John told me to look for a table for us and I found a table for two in the corner that isnt too direct to diners eye.  I chose it not for intimacy but for the easy atmosphere that its giving to my first impression.  I sat and waited for him.  It seemed to be a long queue and he’s quite a gentleman to endure it.  I mean not most guys do it, they let girls do the orders and sit there as if they’re seating in a throne.  I thought its a good time to put on my earphones before I end up philosophically analyzing the behaviors of every people thats within my sight.

I looked down on my phone to tweet away my boredom.  Twitter is the best place on the web to just get lost at any moment.   My thumb is about to hit the keys but…

“I got your large fries and coke float.” He said it with tone a lot sweeter than the chocolate on the sundae.  The words just melt in my ears.

He was looking at me grinning ear to ear as he pulled the seat and sat down.  For an instant I wonder what it is that he’s really happy about.  Is it because he won a seat at the University Student Council? Or is it because of me?  It could be that he is really starving and just happy to get his eyes on the chicken fillet.  Once again I restrained myself of thinking hopes.

“Thanks.”  I am still unable to think of decent and less dorky thing to say.

“What are you listening to?” He’s so nice for making me feel comfortable by initiating the conversation.

Though I dont play my mp4 in a high volume, I must remove either one of the earphones for me to look like I have manners.  I cant wholly detach myself from my earphones.  I wear them oftentimes even when I talk to people.

“Oh its Sweet Child of Mine” I thought of what might be his perception of me knowing the music that I listen too.  Well the song is immensely popular that might get him into thinking I like mainstream music.  Or does he even really care what music I listen to?

“Big fan huh?” He gave me a cute little smile.  Which I have no knowing what it means or if it even has a meaning.  I took a mental note of stopping my bad habit of interpreting peoples action.

“I couldve been a huge fan if they dont have Axl Rose on vocals.”

Liar.

Was I babbling again.  I really am a fast talker. I spit my words like each of them are being paid.

“Why you like them too?” Probably the most courageous move I had prolonging our conversation.

“Uhm. Not exactly that I like them but I like the song.”

I nodded.  I thought it might’ve made me look like an idiot.

“Yep.  It’s about Axl’s ex-girlfriend maybe that’s why he sounded like he’s got a deep source of emotion.”

Geek.

“Cool.  Anyway I wanna ask you few questions.  Do you mind answering them?” He said it effortlessly charming.

“Sure as long as they’re not one of those surveys you guys uses for a study.” I might as well be frank to him.  He cant just attract me, seduce me into having a meal with him so I could be a subject for his little research.

“How did you know?  Its for my Psychological Health Nursing research!” He spoke as if he did not get what I meant by my statement.

I made a snotty face to show my dislike.  I should have known that I must give him something in return.  But is too cute to be an object of annoyance.

“C’mon Im just joking.”He draw the spoon closer to his mouth while he smiled. But he dropped the spoon back to his plate like he’s going to say another thing serious as his smile faded along with it.

“I  think its just wierd to be sitting here with you not knowing the ‘for starters’ about you.” He made an air quote.  He’s not smiling at me this time.  He simply threw me a quick stare and he focused on his food.

I kind of get it-he wants me to talk.

So I decided I would.
“Oh so you mean an introduction of some sort?”  I saw him nod and continued on his food.

“As oppose to what you probably think, I’m 19 years old.  And yes you are days older than me.”

“You know my birthday?”He stopped and looked at me, surprised.  I like that stare it chases away the awkwardness that I felt.

Friends often forgets birthdays least acquaintances could.  I must pull off a witty answer or else I’d be a stalker.

“Oh I do.  Your famous you know.  And technically I just know half of it, just the month though.”  I said while stabbing the ice with the straw.

I was born May 7 and he was born April.

“I’m not really good at this stuffs just ask me a question and so I could answer it.”  I avoided the birthday topic it might lead to assumptions.

“Cool.  Good idea.” He seemed really enthusiastic about the interrogation that is about to happen.

It suddenly occured to me that it wasnt a good idea at all.  He might ask questions that are hard to answer.  But its too late, he is about to ask me one.

“Do you like me?”That was the question that I expected but never prepared to answer.

I still wont fall for it though I really liked him.  My then secret little crush on him might’ve reached him thats why he’s acting extra nice at me.  I dont know I sort of dont trust the sincerity of guys anymore.

But since he asked I might as well answer it.

“Yep.  Everybody likes you coz you are nice.”

He stared at me.  There was something in his eyes.  He seemed dissatisfied with my reply.

There was an awkward silence between us for a few seconds.

“We could just be honest to each other… I like you.” He said it with such sincerity that if Im not seated I would have felt myself levitate.

“Like?  In what exact definition of the word?”I dont think I said it with a flawless pretense of disbelief.

previously
“I dont exactly know.  But I like you, Im really sure of it.”  He is obviously thinking while saying those words.

“You like me? How come?” I want assurance.  I’m protecting my feelings.

“Yeah.  I like you but I seriously dont know why.”   He looked at me his eyes pleading me to trust his words.

Why cant he just tell me if he like my smile or my eyes or my laugh or my fingers.   I mean there must be a precise reason behind the ‘fact’ that he likes me.

“Do we have to come up to a resort that would benefit both parties, right?  Because.. I like you too.”  I thought I must give us a chance but I would be extra careful.

He grinned.  Hearing my words kind of gave him a relief.

“We could be more than friends but less than lovers.”   I’m proud of myself controlling how excited I am of ‘us’.

He grinned again, much wider this time.  I did not try to think of the possibilities first.  I did not expect anything more it might just lead me to disappointment.

He is really handsome.  I dont want to get my eyes off of him.

After we finished our food we walked to the jeepney stop.  While we are walking I felt his hand in mine.  I looked at him grinning.  We walked silently hand in hand trusting that it is just a start of something beautiful between us.

-Mar 20, 2009